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FUNKbrs
Hi.
I'm here to talk to you about how brains work.
The part of you that talks to your parents is your frontal lobe.
The part of you that decides to deceive others isn't in your frontal lobe; it's in your mid brain.
The frontal lobe thinks it's in charge, but really it gets dragged along by the midbrain and emotional centers and then tries to rationalize those decisions in front of other people.
This is why you know you need to stop lying and sneaking, but can't.
The problem with sneaking and deceiving others is you don't do it with the intention of getting caught. No punishment will stop you if you think what you're doing won't be found out.
Here's where it starts getting hard:
The reason why your frontal cortex is mad at your mid brain for pulling bullshit is the same reason your parents are mad at you.
In order to properly lie, your brain has to hide information from your frontal cortex, otherwise it's going to show in your face and mannerisms that you don't actually believe what you're saying.
Everytime you do this, you're strengthening the path of delusion in your brain.
Mental pathways are like paths in a forest; the more you go down the path, the clearer and more tracked down the path becomes.
If you don't stop lying to yourself, you will fully break from reality.
The fact you can cut yourself to release endorphins means your brain is started to fragment from the pain feeling parts and the endorphin feeling parts, ignoring some feelings and choosing others.
You need to start being your own friend.
You are young, and you are climbing in the levels of intelligence.
Level 1: You are stupid, and have to be taken care of, like a baby or an animal
Level 2: You can handle your own affairs, but social situations are difficult
Level 3: You can care for yourself, and also others, like animals or children
Level 4: You can outsmart other people and abuse them to your benefit <-----YOU ARE HERE
Level 5: You realize all living things are connected, and when you betray someone else to your personal benefit you are making the world you share with everyone worse. you begin to help yourself by helping others instead of parasitically abusing them.
This is a crisis every developing person goes through.
I hope this wall of text helps you.
KevinFebles
Muchas gracias.